Recently I have become a victim to hate, once again, when I posted a photo of myself to Instagram of me posing on the beach in my bikini. I still don’t know the exact reason for the hate. It got me thinking about how us as women hate on each other for ANYTHING.
I didn’t always feel good about myself. I still remember sitting with my girl friends in primary/high school at lunch break, comparing myself to them. Comparing my body, my weight, my height, and anything that had to do with my body issues. You must be thinking, how did you have any issues with yourself? But I did. It got to the point where I didn’t eat for a week, just so I could lose my belly fat, so I could feel somewhat good about myself and how I looked. It was an on-going struggle.
There are always those girls who I could count on to make me feel bad about myself by bullying me because of how I looked or how I was as a person. I was also this shy, timid, insecure girl who cried for literally anything anyone said to me. I never stood up for myself, I just allowed people to treat me like shit, because I was used to it, and I thought that, that is what I deserved. I tried to end my life, because I did not love myself because of what other people said to me. I hated myself because I was not what other girls were.
It was until the day of my 18th birthday, where I told myself, “Girl, this is you! Love yourself for the YOU, you are. Fuck what everyone else thinks. You have one you in this life, and this is the you that you need to begin loving.” It was then when I set myself free.
Minutes after I posted this photo, a girl caught feelings for whatever reason, and decided to send me a DM. I’ll quote her…
“Please can you take this photo off Instagram. It doesn’t belong on social media, you look like a porn star posing for a magazine. You posted this photo for likes, comments and attention. For guys to like and comment on. You rely on likes and comments to know you’re beautiful. There is nothing on the inside that is good about you.”
I don’t get it. Why does my photo trigger you so much, that you have to send hate?
The woman who sent me this DM is a blogger who preaches body positivity and self-love on her Instagram and blog. Yet she’s in my DM’s hating on my photo. She even had the humor to post on her IG story that I look for my beauty in the eyes of other people.
Let me stop you right there babes. What I post on MY social media is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. It is MY social media accounts. I post what I want to post. I could be naked, rolling around in glitter and post it on social media. That doesn’t give you the right to hate on me for my confidence. If you don’t like that please unfollow me.
I had to grow to love myself for how I look. It took me years to get to this point in my life where I can actually love myself for the person I am. Why assume you know me when you don’t? You know me from what I choose to show on social media and on my blog. I am beautiful, yes I know that and I can see that. I have other qualities that you choose not to see because you choose to be blinded by hate and pettiness. I am a wonderful, kind-hearted, funny, sassy, hard working, and all round good person.
I will not dim my shine to make you feel comfortable. Don’t expect me to downplay my confidence to sooth your insecurities. It is not going to happen.
I don’t know if women are threatened by beautiful women with strong personalities and with qualities that they have. But whatever reason you feel threatened by any woman who are comfortable with themselves, you need to revaluate yourself and look at women not with hate or competitiveness, but with love and knowing what it’s like being a woman.
My beauty does NOT define me as a person. Who I am as a woman, does not make me any less of the woman you are. Women all look different. We come in all shapes and sizes, that is what makes us perfectly imperfect. Because we were not born to look or be perfect.
For any woman to tell another woman that she bases her beauty on what others think about her, is not needed. It just shows that you are so focused on what other woman look like, that you can’t look past what is on the outside and get to know her behind the looks.
If your value as a human being depends on how you or other women are measured by where they fall on the “hotness” scale your insecurity is going to stop you from any possibility of friendship or compassion towards any other woman, especially if you feel she is more “attractive” than you are. It is impossible to be friends with a woman, who thinks that looks are the most important thing. Until we can figure out how to think of ourselves as more than an assortment of body parts of varying differences of attractiveness, women-hate will remain one of the last challenges facing woman.
Click here for part two of the ‘Eliminate Women Hate” series.